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Dispatches from Strettaland, vol. 1 zillian,

Hey Strettites and all Fried-food and Fructose Fans! I haven't abandoned you. Though it has been many moons since I've written, you've been constantly in my thoughts. So don't cry for me, Argentina.  The Stretta Band rolls on through thick and thin.  As always, the obstacles are many, the danger is real.  Of many episodes, consider these two:

"Out of gas, out of luck"
The band was booked to play in the Burg of Lawrence recently. Some members of the group met up at a gas station to carpool.  While there, they purchased- Slim Jims, Doritos, pork rinds, Mountain Dew Supernova, Cadbury Creme eggs, air fresheners, more Doritos, hot dog, a "burrito", Teddy Grahams, Coca-cola Zero, a Maglite, a cassette of Foghat's Greatest Hits, another bag of Doritos, teriyaki-flavored beef jerky, a box of Whoppers, and a Diet Pepsi. Then, they left. Shortly after, they ran out of gas on the interstate because no gasoline was purchased. At least there were provisions. Fortunately, we made it to the gig and had a huge success. The owner told us, "You guys even had the crackheads dancing!"  The club closed permanently the following Monday.

"Stretta fought the law and the...
"We had an engagement at Tennessee's University in Martin. Always a fun crowd, we look forward to all our shows out there.  The place was packed, the crowd ready, the band took the stage, and the house was rockin'! Perhaps a little too much because soon the police department was called to shut us down.  We were ordered to stop. Tensions were high. The young scholars began chanting, "F--- the Popo!"  Cool-headed Raymond Balz formed a plan-  "Do yooz guys tink dat if I slip duh poe-leese offisuh a five, dat we can make all uh dis go away, oveh dere?" We informed Ray that he should NOT follow through on that plan.  Instead, we opted to pack up and go get pizza. Which we did.

Then we got lost in Martin.

For over an hour...