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Dispatches from Strettaland, (Slight Return)
It's been a long time since I've written. The
Strettaband has been traveling the world over. The
Rock and Roll (and French fry) odyssey has continued.
And like the wandering Odysseus, we faced many perils,
overcame insurmountable obstacles, witnessed many
strange and unsettling events, and ate fried foods
like there was no tomorrow. Here are a few tales:
"Well, All Right!"
We were playing in Bowling Green, KY when Jon was
abducted by Frat boys and forced (at gunpoint) to
drink shot after shot of alcohol. At least that's the
story Jon tells, and he's sticking to it. That night,
Jon proceeded to explore his interest in avant garde
music by playing the chord progression to a ballad
completely backwards, singing a rousing rendition of
"Love Shack", and repeatedly yelling "Well, all
right!" into the microphone.
We were playing in Indianapolis, IN. Kenny, our bass
picker and bass fisher, was playing an inspired set.
It's a surprise to many to learn that while it's true
that Kenny is a diehard NASCAR fan and an avid
collector of Jenna Jameson films, he's also a huge fan
of the Russian Ballet and often incorporates ballet
into his signature stage moves. This night however,
it went horribly wrong! While spinning, young Kenny
lost his balance and crashed backwards into the sound
console. Ever the Rock and Roll warrior, he jumped
back up without missing a note. That's when we
noticed the blood gushing. He had torn his face open.
The blood flowed. Debra had to take Kenny to the
emergency room where he received five stitches.
However, the night wasn't over. The Stretta Gang had
another gig in Florida. We picked young Kenny and
Debra up at midnight and departed. 97 hours later we
arrived in Florida. It took a little longer than
usual because Raymond Magellan Balz thought that we
should go north around the Great Lakes to get to
Florida. That's not the most direct route, I'm
"Non-sexual Man Crush"
The Stretta juggernaut had rolled into Evansville, IN
to play a reception for a member of a major league
baseball team. Upon arrival, Jon noticed that there
was something different about Ray this time. Ray had
cut his hair, shaved (including his neck as Jon
observed), was wearing a suit (often, Ray wears swim
trunks and a worn t-shirt with "Where's the Beef?"
still legible on the front to our gigs), and probably
the most unusual thing of all, Ray had brought extra
Biggie Fries. We realized that Ray had a Seinfeldian
Non-sexual Man crush! That's where you are trying
hard to become a side kick. The extra fries was the
most damning piece of evidence. Ray shares French
fries with no one.
There you have it, Strettites. Just a pinhole glimpse
into the recent world of Stretta. The road goes on
forever and the French fries never end...